Affirmations are those positive “I am…” statements self-help personalities have been suggesting we practice as we look in the mirror to make ourselves feel good — and to change our life. I’ve been thinking about them since I read this excellent article about affirmations circulating on LinkedIn.
But what about when they don’t seem to be working for you?
If we declare “I am [something that we are clearly not],” then we are out of alignment — and our brains know it! For example, my unconscious mind knows that I’m neither a billionaire nor a supermodel, no matter how much I may wish those things were so. And as intelligent beings, we can feel that dissonance or resistance as we say things that are not true. You might even look in the mirror, say your affirmations, and hear the voice inside your head talking back.
First, if that’s the case — great! You’re getting good information as your unconscious beliefs step forward and express themselves. Sometimes, awareness is all it takes to release outdated thoughts about ourselves. If not, you can try tools like tapping, meditation, hypnosis or other clearing exercises to let them go.
If you’ve ever struggled with using affirmations, here are some ways you can shift from or adapt traditional “I am…” affirmations to make them work more effectively for you:
- Give it time. Before Napoleon Hill wrote Think and Grow Rich, he made a deal with Andrew Carnegie, who told him to write down a statement, tape it to a mirror and read it to himself twice each day. The statement was: “Andrew Carnegie, I’m not only going to equal your achievements in life, but I’m going to challenge you at the post and pass you at the grandstand.” Even if the horse racing analogy made sense at the time, Hill was a journalist and Carnegie was one of the nation’s richest men; Hill becoming more successful than Carnegie was unlikely. But Hill did what he had agreed to do. You can imagine how his response might have gone from a sneering “yeah, right!” or “no chance of that” to “I wonder how…” until, as Hill recounts in the book, he heard the voice in his head say, “Could happen.” Our brains, our beliefs, and our habits all take time to change and, from what I’ve read, it can take anything from 21 to 244 days for us to adopt new thinking.
- Draw it in. We use “I am” because it’s present. We don’t want to keep our desires or manifestations out of reach or always in the future by saying “I will…”, because something that will happen will always be in the future, somewhere just out of reach. But we can add “growing more and more” or similar to make phrases like “I am growing more and more abundant each day.” Now there’s a thought I can embrace! Another example: “Every day in every way, I am becoming more loving.”
- Appreciate what you can. So many of us want to change our bodies, but it rarely works to tell ourselves we’ve reached our target weight when we haven’t. Start by developing a better relationship with your skin suit by appreciating all the wonderful things it can do — walk, hike, run, move, feel pleasure, etc., e.g. “Every day I am becoming stronger and healthier.”
- Ask yourself questions. Our brains are wired to seek answers. If you look in the mirror and ask, “how did I gain so much weight?”, your brain will quickly remind you of that piece of chocolate cake you ate earlier, or the chips you dipped into as you were making dinner, or how you were so into bingeing that series with your boo that you didn’t make time to work out. When we ask questions, we get answers. So try asking the questions you actually want the answers to. (Noah St. John calls these “afformations.”) Ask: “Why is it so easy for me to release extra weight?” or “Why is my boss so pleased with my work?” Your brain is going to run around looking for answers, and that’s going to help you achieve the results you want.
How do I know if affirmations are working for me?
Affirmations are intended to help us feel positively about ourselves or to create positive change. Notice how they feel in your body, whether you feel heaviness, lightness or other sensations. Notice what your mind is telling you. Do you hear backtalk, objections — or resounding agreement? Statements or questions that are working for you should feel aligned, light, congruent, resonant and positive.
(c) 2021 Angela Rae Bushman
Angela Rae Bushman 