Angela Rae Bushman

journey into forgiveness

I’ve been called to embark on a journey of forgiving the past and those who have hurt or wronged me, not lived up to my expectations or simply moved on.

When this calling came to me, I used my intuitive tools to come up with a list of 20 family members, exes, friends, and authority figures (teachers or bosses) — and, yes, God — who I also need to forgive. I then asked how many times I needed to forgive each person — one as many as 94 times!

My inner knowing guided me to make this a daily practice. I created a chart, so that I can cross off each day after my practice and track my progress. I also wanted to share this journey with you, as I believe it will lead to useful insights.

There are several resources and ways to practice forgiveness, and what I’ve discovered is working for me is to get into a meditative state, invite in the energy of forgiveness (“What would it take for me to embody forgiveness?”) and visualize each person I need to forgive in front of me one at a time. Then I use the same formula, “What would it take to forgive ___________ for ______________?” followed by a declarative statement: “____________, I forgive you for ______________.”

To share one example, as I invited in forgiveness on day one, I asked, “What would it take for me to forgive my high school superintendent for making an example of me for skipping school and placing me in detention?” Then, I heard my inner dialogue loudly add, “asshole!”, confirming that I have more forgiveness work to do.

As I got up from this first daily practice, I laughed as I realized I had failed to include myself in my list of people to forgive. Self forgiveness is essential to healing our pasts.

On day two, I asked, “What would it take to forgive my mother for her infidelity, lies, truths, reservedness, always being late and any other failings as a parent? Mom, I forgive you for your infidelity, lies, truths, reservedness, always being late and any other failings as a parent.”

And I had another insight. Forgiving myself meant seeing myself reflected in the experience. In other words, the energy I’ve allowed is energy I hold. I found myself following this with, “What would it take to forgive myself for my infidelity, lies, truths, reservedness, always being late and any other failings as a parent?”

For everyone on my list to forgive, I was able to find a reflected truth about myself in whatever I had charged them with. It was a deeply enlightening and profound realization, and enhances my feelings of connection and empathy for the human condition.

I anticipate I’ll have more to share on this practice in the coming weeks.

Follow my forgiveness journey: what forgiveness reveals (part 2), forgiving again (part 3)

pause and reflect

I’ve let go of resolutions these past few years. Instead, I prefer to pause and reflect on the blessings of the past year, as well as what I’d like to create in the coming year.

If this approach resonates with you, consider asking yourself some questions as you reflect on months past:

– what are you proud of?
– what did you learn?
– how did you grow?
– what can you let go of?
– what are you grateful for?

And as you look forward:

– what is something you loved doing and stopped that you can bring more into your life in the coming year? (hint: get playful)
– when you look out onto your next horizon, what do you see? what do you want to see?
– what will you accomplish in the coming year?
– who will you have to be to achieve all that? what must be different about you?
– what might get in the way and how will you overcome it?
– how does it feel, at the end of the year, when you’ve achieved what you set out to do?
– how will you celebrate?

I wish for you blessings, creativity and light in the coming year.

the wall of technology

Way back in college, I was part of a student group who put on a nightly newscast on local cable. I did weather (making one of the most epic bloopers of all time… but that’s a story for another day), floor manager, sports and eventually took on the coveted anchor role.

Then I got interested in the control room, which had an elevated countertop where the director sat and a lower countertop with soundboards and other controls in front of a wall of playback decks, controls and other equipment. Our faculty mentor called it the “wall of technology” — and the name fit. It. Was. Intimidating!

And that’s where I am today: I’m excited about the work I’m doing, but it’s ALL new. I can get into the groove of a new style of writing, being more vulnerable and authentic, doing more social and serving in a whole new way.

But it’s the numerous new apps and programs I have to figure out both independently and then integrate that are pushing me wildly outside of my comfort zone. It seemed like a lot to set up my website, then a scheduling app, then payment processor… It seemed like a lot to set up my LLC, business bank account and legal… And now I’m onto webinars and email systems and creating graphics for headers, ads, social posts, etc. and OMG being a noob is pushing my growth edges — hard!

What would I tell my coaching clients if they were going through this? I’d remind them that reaching the goal isn’t really where the rewards are — after all, it’s human nature to keep moving our own goalposts — it’s who we’re becoming along the way. And becoming this version of me who can create webinars and email sequences and connect everything together into a funnel is building my confidence!

What growth edges are you pushing?
How are you changing?

think you know what you need?

There was a time in my life when I was certain I knew exactly what I needed:
– I was sure I needed to sell my sports car.
– I was convinced I needed to buy real estate to round out my investment strategy.

I wouldn’t have naturally chosen to practice gratitude — I had to be told to do it. Turns out gratitude is a game changer.

So what happened?

When I practiced gratitude, the things I thought I needed rushed toward me!
– Within 8 weeks, I’d sold that sports car (for more than I’d paid for it — even after driving it for 3 seasons, and even with a salvage title… and that 1986 Mazda Rx7 went on to bless its next owner, too!)
– Within 12 weeks, I’d moved into my first home (a condo that came via a friend of a friend, no realtor fees, a contract downloaded from the web and a closing company.)

Turns out what I really needed was gratitude.

Need more gratitude in your life? Reach out to me and I’ll fill you in on what I’m working on and how you can get involved.

Gratitude Changed My Life

From the outside, it looked like I had a great life: I was young, ambitious, had a good job and enjoyed many travel adventures…

But on the inside, I was a mess! I constantly compared myself to others. I tried to be genuinely happy for my friends when they got promoted, became engaged or had babies, but I was secretly jealous. I wasn’t sure there was a path forward in my job or my relationship. I felt stuck, as though life was passing me by. And I had to push so hard to achieve my goals that I didn’t feel like celebrating when I did.

And then I discovered gratitude. Creating a practice changed my life. I quickly shifted into thankfulness for all the good in my life, I experienced more joy, I became a more genuine and generous friend, I started to see so much good and beauty in the world — and, suddenly, the things I’d been wishing for rushed toward me with little effort… like that car I sold for more than I’d paid for it three years earlier, and that condo that just came to me when I set the intention to buy a home.

Since those early days, my gratitude practice has waxed and waned, but I always find my way back to it when I need more joy, fulfillment, abundance or magic in my life. I’ve learned to use it along with the Law of Attraction when seeking new jobs, a practice that brought me 25% and 31.5% salary increases.

I’m grateful to have discovered gratitude. Research shows it reduces stress, enhances happiness, improves relationships and has other health benefits, too. Through my journey, I learned to practice gratitude in a way that’s embodied, integrated and deliberate. I want to share what I’ve learned with as many people as I can — and that’s why I’ve created my new 8-module online course and transformational program, gratitudeU. It’s my signature system to train your brain for gratitude so you can start experiencing greater joy, abundance and fulfillment in your life right now.

Learn more at https://angelabushman.samcart.com/products/gratitudeu.

Spontaneous Self Care

Massage, soaking in a warm bath, mani-pedis, yoga, a walk with girlfriends… I listened as all of these were brought into the conversation about self-care. But they all sounded like things to do on evenings and weekends, as if we can plan ahead when we’ll need self care the most.

Don’t get me wrong, I love all of these activities. But self-care is often something we need in the middle of the day, in the middle of a stressful task or project, before a presentation or after a difficult conversation. We can’t always schedule our needs (or our stressful moments, crises or emotional breakdowns) in advance.

So what might spontaneous self care look like? What practice can we turn to when we need it most?

Here are just a few ideas to implement between meetings or tasks, when you can be off camera or sneak off to a focus room:

BREATHE. Our subconscious mind takes care of this for us; it’s automatic. But many of us do it poorly. Stop everything. Put a hand on your abdomen, below your belly button. Breathe in deeply, feeling your hand rise. Hold. Slowly exhale. Repeat three to five times.

STRETCH. Stand up, raise your arms over your head and yawn. Shake out your arms and shoulders, kick your legs, move your body. You’re not designed for this life in front of a desk and screen, so you need to step away from it several times a day, even if just for a minute.

FEEL. Get quiet. Notice what you’re feeling in your body and describe it to yourself: Where do you feel it? Does it have a shape? A color? A sound? Is it vibrating? Fast or slow? …and so on. Call it by its name (anxiety, stress, grief, sadness) and it may begin to dissipate.

HYDRATE. Few of us get the water we really need, especially as the weather grows colder and drier. Drink a glass or brew some tea.

PRACTICE GRATITUDE. Rest your hands in your lap. Close your eyes. Think of something you’re grateful for. Feeling gratitude releases dopamine into your body, brings us into the present moment and gently pushes out any lower-register emotions.

What’s your spontaneous self care go-to?

How to Work through Imposter Syndrome

I pulled onto the parking deck at my client’s building, backed into the stall, put my car in park and thought, “Who am I to be here doing this?” I wondered what I’d be able to contribute as I felt doubt flood from my throat down into my chest and gut.

You see, the night before I’d been processing some difficult emotions that made it difficult to fall asleep. My eyes were still puffy from crying. And I wasn’t feeling my usual confidence; I wasn’t naturally starting from a well-rested, resourceful place.

As a coach serving powerful leaders, my work isn’t about me. I have to get out of my own head and into my client’s. The focus is entirely on them — the words they use, the tone, pauses or hesitations, their body language… And often we’re addressing their own imposter syndrome, self doubt, crisis of confidence, mindset, or beliefs / language / stories / systems / processes that no longer serve them so they can move forward.

I left it ALL in that room with my client that day, every ounce of energy I had. I may have even over-delivered (too many insights and it can be difficult for a client to take action on all of them between meetings). And I learned my client looks forward to our regular appointments and considers me a necessary support.

As I served my client, providing space for reflection, insights and resources, I felt those things filling in myself, too.

Here’s what I learned about how to work through imposter syndrome that day:

Get out of your head: focus on your client, colleague, employee, customer.
Be present: pre-game whatever’s next, centering yourself in your breath and taking a moment to get in the headspace you need to approach it.
Serve your why: whether it’s your company’s vision and mission, your client’s needs or your own why, connect to that higher purpose.
Gratitude is self care: focus on how fortunate you are to be in this position, with this opportunity ahead of you, with these challenges to address.

I was grateful to be able to pour my energy into a dynamic session, serving my client powerfully and renewing my sense of self. As I got back into my car and drove to the next appointment, I was also grateful to no longer question whether I could do it or feel like an imposter.

Can’t sleep? Try this.

It shouldn’t surprise me as much as it does that so many of my clients complain of difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep or getting enough sleep. Yet, as a woman of a certain age, I can relate. My body goes through cycles of waking at approximately 3:43 a.m., my heart thumping with anxiety.

As someone who cherishes a solid nine hours, I can vouch for how important sleep is to my health, mental wellbeing and performance. Here are a few of the things I’ve implemented:

Routine. It’s often said that we are our habits, meaning that we tend to do the same things day after day, and that series of things defines our results. When it comes to sleep, you’ve probably already heard what I’m going to write: Log off and avoid screens for an hour before bedtime. Wash your face, brush your teeth, and read a book, Go to bed at a consistent time.

Habit stacking means adding new activities to our existing habits. Here are some novel ideas to bring into your current nighttime routine:

Golden milk. Add the calming properties of ginger, black pepper, turmeric and coconut oil to a cup of warm milk. You can buy bottled golden milk in natural foods stores and other grocers, or find a power or paste to mix with milk.

Pillow spray. Sleep or pillow sprays feature a blend of relaxing essential oils such as lavender, designed to help you fall asleep easily and stay asleep longer. You can find sleep or pillow spray at leading retailers, and Lush offers “Sleepy Dust” powder to sprinkle on sheets at bed time.

Energy clearing. Intuitive practitioners often have a ritual to release lower energy vibes each night. One example is imagining yourself removing anything that bothered your from your day, any negative interactions or energies, and placing them in a bin. Then place the bin in an elevator and imagine sending it up to heaven or source for disposal. Imagine the elevator comes back down with a blessing for you to take into your heart for good sleep. My own routine is less elaborate and more verbal, simply asking myself to “release anything less or lower than love” from my day.

Empowering questions. Lucid dreaming practitioners program their brains each night to remember their dreams. While I have little experience with lucid dreaming, I believe sleep and dreaming are powerful experiences for our brains to reset and recharge — and that we can program our minds before sleep. So, rather than allowing our minds to race with thoughts from our day or tomorrow’s to-do list, we can put our brain to work looking for answers during the night. Some of the kinds of questions I like to ask on my way to sleep are: “Why do I wake up refreshed, recharged, feeling better than ever each morning?” and “What would it take to wake up energized and excited to finish the next phase of my [work project]?”

Self hypnosis. In my early adulthood, I lived in Colorado with a bunch of other young people. We liked to go out and party on Friday nights. I liked to ski on the weekends. But I lived two hours from a ski resort, so I needed to wake early to make my day on the slopes worthwhile. After coming back from the clubs at 12:30 a.m., I would slowly count backwards from ten, repeating “I will now fall into a deep and restorative sleep, waking refreshed and recharged at 4:30 a.m.” after each number I counted. While my technique was crude, it worked — and I have fond memories of both clubbing and skiing from that period in my life.

Ho’oponopono. An ancient Hawaiian healing practice, practicing ho’oponopono is believed to release limiting beliefs, clear lower energies and bring about peace. And it’s simple enough for anyone to remember — repeat “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” until you fall asleep. Bonus: Focus your mind on someone you’ve wronged, are at odds with or who is struggling.

Light blessing. When I shared a struggle my daughter was having recently, a medium in my circle recommended I paint her room with light each night before bed. This mindfulness exercise is designed to bless the space and calm my daughter’s energy — and it worked — for sleep anyway! In my mind, I had a 4″ paintbrush and fell asleep before I’d finished one half of one wall. Within a week, I’d moved from that brush to a roller, then sprayer — and now I use my imagination to instantly coat her room, my son’s and my own in light with the speed of a Hollywood special effect in an Avengers movie. Whether it really does anything for my children or not is beside the point: I get an outlet for my protective mom energy whether my children are home or in a far away cabin or dorm, and that alone brings me peace.

Befriending my anxiety. As I mentioned earlier, I am a woman of a certain age, which means it’s not uncommon for me to wake at 3:43 a.m., heart racing, sweating and anxiety at eleven on a scale of one to ten. I’ve learned to develop a relationship with my emotions, so my mental dialogue goes something like this: “Oh hey, it’s you again. Thanks for your concern, but there’s no saber toothed tiger chasing me, so you can chillax. Maybe go find me some new clients or something. I’m going back to sleep.”

Do not get out of bed. I mean, except to pee. So many people tell me they wake in the middle of the night and send work emails. For so many reasons, please stop this; you are definitely not at your best. If you’re unable to fall back to sleep, pick up an incredibly dry, dense nonfiction book until it puts you back out. Or consider reading legal briefs or opinions, especially if you are not a lawyer.

I’ll be quick to concede I haven’t included research showing these to be effective; but, when it comes to sleep, it’s about soothing our minds and focusing our brain activity away from chatter — and much of what I’ve shared above can do exactly that.

Which of these ideas are you most likely to try? Do you have tips for the rest of us? I’d love for you to share what’s working for you.

Why now is the perfect time to work with a coach

Media headlines are filled with bad news about the pandemic, international conflict, the “great resignation,” questions about whether to go back to work in an office, and, if you’re a parent, you’re probably facing a certain amount of angst about your children heading back to school.

So what’s a person to do?

Well, some of us took an opportunity during the pandemic to get fit, make sourdough bread from starter, take on a new hobby… and many of us gained weight, juggled work and homeschooling, missed our families, friends and social lives, and languished. A massive number quit jobs.

In a world as VUCA (volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous) as the present, there’s no better time to reground ourselves in self discovery or self mastery, deeply draw from our values, re-visit priorities and they ways in which we meet our own needs, and set new goals based on those values and priorities.

A coach can help you define your values and priorities, facilitate your understanding of your needs and how you meet them, and work with you to ensure you’ve set the kinds of goals that motivate you to achieve them. They will act as an accountability partner and impartial sounding board.

In practical terms, you save time by creating more effective goals and reaching them more quickly so you’ll be ready to act now — or as soon as the time is right. And that’s a sound investment!

How to quiet your mind

I asked my followers on LinkedIn to vote for what topic they wanted me to write about next — and it’s not surprising they asked for “how to quiet your mind.” After all, we can’t be certain whether we’re coming out of the pandemic or going into another wave, some of you have worked at home and schooled children for an entire school year, and even if we want to go back to “normal,” we might not know how to get there anymore. So if your mind is racing or replaying worries on a loop, you’re not alone and you’re not broken. You just want to be able to let go of the noise and focus.

Let’s talk about how your brain works:

Your brain is designed to keep you alive, which means it’s most highly attuned to threats, dangers and bad news. It filters through a perceived-risks lens — in other words, it’s critical.
Your brain generates thoughts — an estimated 60,000 – 70,000 each day.
As many as 85-90% of these thoughts are the same thoughts you thought yesterday.

Knowing this, you can start to make some choices about what to do with all those thoughts. You don’t have to engage with, listen to or take seriously every thought in this endless stream of thoughts; you can choose to simply acknowledge your brain at work.

Here are some ways to slow down:

Meditate. You knew this one was coming. The great thing about meditation is there are tons of resources online, from YouTube to apps like Calm, Headspace or Omvana — and you can choose a guided meditation, or you can find a quiet space to take a few deep breaths in and out and focus on your breathing. You’ll still notice thoughts creeping in; let them flow by as though leaves floating on a gentle stream and return your focus to your breathing. Like any practice, you’ll get better at not engaging with your thoughts over time.

Exercise. Burning off a little steam has benefits for the body and mind. I love yoga for the focus on breathing, surrendering and relaxing into the poses. Taking a spin or other exercise class might just as easily cause your mind to focus on one thing.

Create. You don’t have to be an artist to draw, paint or create — you could bake a cake (following a step-by-step recipe can focus your mind), grab some colored pencils and an adult coloring book, knit or crochet. Again, the idea is to focus your mind narrowly on the project in front of you.

Free write. Grab a pen and a notebook and just write. Write down everything on your mind. If it’s the tasks you have to remember to do, make yourself a list and then tell your brain it doesn’t need to remind you anymore. If you wrote something more like a story than a list, re-read it and notice whether you’re a victim, hero or something else in your story. Notice whether you’ve discovered unmet needs that you can meet for yourself or ask for help meeting from others. Consider re-writing the end so that the hero — you — prevails.

Metaphors and mental models. Imagine you’re barreling down an unknown road at 200 miles per hour. The landscape is flying by in a blur. You sense that you have little time to react or make decisions going this fast, and you feel out of control. Your hands are wrapped around the steering wheel in a death grip. You veer slightly out of your lane and hear the urgent sounds of your car’s tires on the rumble strip, which only heightens your alarm. Is that what it feels like when your mind is racing? Take a breath. Realize you’re in the driver’s seat. You can take your foot off the gas. Your car has a safety feature that gently brings you back into your lane as you lighten your grip on the wheel. You can remember this metaphor and “take your foot off the gas” to slow your brain down — or find another metaphor or mental model that works for you.

Other things that help:

De-clutter. Often, our outside environment reflects our inner environment. Tidying up, cleaning or de-cluttering can help create a peaceful space in which we can focus or relax.
Connect. Give your time to your mate, children, friend or even a pet. Focus on presence and let everything else wait. Daily walks with my rescue dog help keep me sane.
Put down the phone. I’m as accustomed to multi-tasking as anyone, and guilty of playing games or checking email on my phone while watching a movie with the kids. Incorporating a practice of no electronics during meals and other designated times helps keep the endless newsfeed at bay. And unplugging 60-120 minutes before bedtime can improve your sleep.

As always, if you’d like help in creating a practice of quieting your mind and implementing more empowering habits, feel free to reach out for a complimentary discovery session.