I said ‘yes’ to this

I love my dog but, real talk, some aspects of having a pet are not so glamorous. Can you relate?

Dogs need exercise, and they need picking up after. I don’t love this, but it’s a necessary aspect of responsible pet ownership. And it reminded me of a conversation I had with a client the other day:

We were talking about the pressure of her demanding schedule — workouts, work, family commitment, social engagements, partners… we’ve all got them. But hers were weighing on her that particular day, and I understood exactly how she felt: overwhelmed, exhausted and boxed into her many roles in life, wondering how she was going to fit it all in.

Because she mentioned it specifically, and because I know she prioritizes health and works out regularly, I asked her if it would be okay to skip a workout class. But she was already committed to going, it gave her time with girlfriends, and it was invigorating, she explained.

So my first intuition, that maybe she needed to give herself the grace to skip a single class, was wrong. Instead, she needed to see it as a choice.

“Repeat after me,” I said, “I said ‘yes’ to this.”

“I said ‘yes’ to this,” she replied.

We both felt the energy lighten and expand.

It’s so easy to feel boxed in, trapped or stifled by the very real commitments and responsibilities of everyday life. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, even if it’s by the choices we’ve made ourselves — choices like owning a home, working in a certain role in a particular company, being in a relationship, having children, participating in hobbies or group activities, staying healthy, etc.

When we acknowledge that these things are not only choices, but choices we made, it frees us up to imagine and consider other possible choices. My client could skip that class, but then she’d miss the workout and camaraderie that goes with it. Recognizing her choice enabled her to affirm it, even as she realized she could make another choice. Acknowledging our choices puts us in a position of power to accept or change our own set of circumstances.

I’ve used this phrase / technique so many times:

☀️ while sitting in traffic during my commute — I could negotiate a hybrid arrangement, find a remote role, switch jobs / companies, move, leave earlier or later, etc.

☀️ during a relationship conflict — I could take a step back and communicate my needs or boundaries more clearly to invite in greater partnership

☀️ when driving a child to 7 a.m. practice on a weekend morning in February — I could acknowledge that I encouraged them to participate in a team sport

☀️ while having a difficult conversation about performance with an employee — I could be an individual contributor or acknowledge I wanted to lead a team

So think about whatever it is that’s weighing on you right now and say it aloud or in your head right now: “I said ‘yes’ to this.”

Louder: I SAID YES TO THIS!

What other possibilities open up when you acknowledge your choice? Let me know in the comments.

(c) 2024 angela rae bushman – all rights reserved